I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
