how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
