I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
