I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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