i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
