Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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