I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
