FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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