she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
