did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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