He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
