Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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