people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm passing your future prison.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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