Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
