My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
