You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
