ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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