How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
