Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
