Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
