16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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