i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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