i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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