I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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