i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
