I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
