we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
