her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently the secret to your success is patron
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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