laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
