There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
