im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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