I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
