I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
