I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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