that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
