he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
