I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
