we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
