I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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