Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
