hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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