Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
