Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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