ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
