Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
