if i can run in heels then i can drive
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
