Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
