Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
