No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
