they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
do nipples grow back?
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